Where My Head Is At Lately ((all over the place))

Tags

, , , , , ,

Traveling is always so surreal to me. I never truly realize where I’ve been or what I’ve seen until after I’ve already witnessed it. I’m not sure why I always feel like that, but it’s the only way my brain can process the fact that I am seeing something new for the first time, and I romanticize every moment of it.

It’s even more strange because everyone always says that when you travel, the world becomes smaller and more familiar. But I beg to differ. I have been extremely fortunate to see so many parts of the world, especially in North America and Europe, and I feel like the world is always expanding. No matter where I go, I know that there’s always more to experience. I have yet to have a moment where I think that the world has gotten smaller. Sure, people say, “oh wow, small world,” when they see or hear about someone they know from a complete stranger, but that’s all relative.
The Earth is so vast and it has stored so much history on it’s surface, I find it hard to wrap my head around most days. Rivers and mountains and islands and forests that once were, are no longer there. And don’t even get me started on the human race. For being on the planet for such a short amount of time, we have conquered so much, literally and figuratively. Even though we haven’t existed nearly as long as when the Earth was created, we have had such a rich history and culture that we continue to shape and mold every day. Every time I travel somewhere new, whether it’s the next town over, or a new state or country, I am constantly amazed at how close one thing can be to another but completely contrast it. I’ve learned many lessons in such a short amount of time and it has opened my eyes to many beautiful and ugly things I never thought in a million years that I would get the chance to witness. I’ve seen lux, and I’ve seen poverty. I’ve seen real, and I’ve seen faux. I’ve seen people fit the stereotype, and I’ve seen people break the stereotype. And I have learned something from each.
The only thing certain in life is the uncertainty that it brings. One day something or someone is here, the next, it’s gone. I guess traveling overall has taught me to embrace the moment I’m in, with the people I’m with. Everything these days seems to be going so fast, especially thanks to technological advancements and social media. But have you taken a moment for yourself today to slow down? Do you realize where you are, or are you constantly thinking ahead all the time?
Have you taken the time to thank the people around you that have helped you to get to where you are, and acknowledged those that are helping you get to where you’re going next?
If you haven’t yet, I strongly encourage you to. Life is so beautiful and too short to be living in the comfort your own bubble all the time. Go out and see the world, even if you have to start small. One patch of grass will soon become a field, but you won’t know until you take the first step. Like someone once said, “If we were meant to stay in one place, we’d have roots instead of feet.” And if you ever have any doubts, just know that you deserve to see the world, and the world deserves to see you.

Don’t Allow Your Opinion of Someone to Dictate Your Treatment of Them.

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

You know what frustrates me?

That everyone at school has problems & things they deal with in private, but somehow people manage to project it onto others with hateful comments and bad attitudes.   I am so over the lack of respect people treat each other with lately. Some people lack any sense of a moral compass and zero compassion for those around them.   I refuse to learn in this kind of environment.


And what I find truly ironic is that we are all aware of these issues and we complain that they even exist, yet certain individuals continuously put others in the same position they are in and fail to show any sympathy or remorse for their actions.


We all deal with some form of anxiousness, whether its about the future, home life, personal relationships, school, etc, but we all put that social pressure on each other, forgetting that you were once, or are still in that situation yourself. 


I hear people constantly making fun of each other for the pettiest of things, whether its someone “talking too much in class”, picking an “ugly prom dress”, or “if this person was a student at this school, I would bully the fuck out of them”


……

These are things I hear on a daily basis and I’m truly baffled how hateful and full of ill intent these comments about and towards others are. 


You will be entering the adult world soon.  If you expect to behave this way without having to face the repercussions, you will be in for a wake up call when the time comes.



Knowing how hard it may be for you, why don’t you ease up on others and at least attempt to make their life or situation easier.  


No one here has it easy. And if you think they do, its probably because you’re only seeing it from the outside. 


The person next to you could be going through abuse, depression, an ED, anxiety, hard home life, transitioning, abandonment, financial issues, death, etc. 


We are human beings for god sakes, at least show some understanding or empathy.


Why do we talk so badly and down on others, when they aren’t in the room?  To me, that says more about you than it does about them. 


If you have a problem with someone, tell them.   If your criticism is not constructive, and is only said to bring someone down, abstain from saying it at all, to anyone. 


If you wouldn’t say it to their face, it’s also a sign that its probably hurtful to say in the first place. 



Don’t allow your opinion of someone to dictate your treatment of them. 


What I’m trying to say is;

It’s not that hard to just BE NICE.

If anything, it actually takes less effort than being mean and rude. 


Do yourself a favor and make this life for yourself and maybe others a little more bearable, and do it with kindness (even if you have to dig deep down to find it).


The mighty mountain no longer phases me 

Tags

, , , , , , ,

Yesterday, I stayed in because my leg was basically shot and I couldn’t walk without limping.  I spent most of my day in my hotel room, working on homework, taking a short nap, and listening to music. Then, I went for a walk in town and went to the store, and ended up buying too many chocolates.  I have a choice between packing them in my suitcase, or in my belly, and I have about 5 bars of chocolate and 2 more days, waiting for me to decide their destiny. Other than that, nothing interesting really happened. But that’s not a bad thing, I find pleasure in the simplest of times and activities. 

Today was so much fun and all of my pain and soreness is nearly gone. 

I did a few black runs today and sometimes I don’t even believe it, when I look back on the height and length of the slope I just went down. I’m pretty sure I can handle anything and everything that these mountains throw at me at this point.  I’ve been in all sorts of weather, the tallest of the peaks, ice, bumps, long hills, steep hills, falls, etc.

 I am no longer afraid to go down the mountain or face the cold. 

Being here on this adventure has taught me a lot about myself and my true level of bravery and endurance. 

I found the courage to just be myself and face the challenges that come my way. 

Whenever the thought of even being afraid starts to make my hands clamp up, and my legs start to ache, I repeat to myself over and over, “It’s just snow.  It’s just snow.” 

There are no ifs, ands, or buts, here.  What goes up must come down and if I picked a trail, and took the time to get to the top, I have to ride till I reach the bottom. Zero complaining or excuses. 

If this isn’t somewhat of a relevant metaphore for life, then I don’t know what is.

The paths that we take sometimes may be treacherous, but once we manage to overcome one, we will no longer be afraid to overcome them all. 

I will end this post with these words of wisdom, as I have a long, sunny day ahead of me tomorrow, and some more paths waiting to be explored. 

Xozo,

– Zoe 

A Smooth Slope Never Made A Skillful Skier  

Tags

, , , , , ,

Yesterday was a bit of an epic fail because the weather was awful and my boot was killing me, so I sat out for most of the day. While sitting at the ski lodge, I heard English, Irish, French, Russian, Hungarian, Austrian dialect, Bulgarian, Polish, French, and more, just by sitting in one spot for about 10-15 minutes.   Europe is amazing. 

Anyways.. 

Today was a wonderful day filled with sunshine and beautiful powdered snow. Many of the lifts were closed and there were explosions going off, because helicopters dropped bombs to prevent avalanches, from all of the snow pilled up from last night. The sound of this was reminiscent of The Hunger Games movie, in the arena scenes- a short explosion would go off, signifying one’s death. The exact same noise was heard, but with helicopters hovering over us as well, the sound of their blades cutting through the thin, mountain air. Lines were also very long and grueling, but the views on the lifts and the weather itself made up for it. 

However, I’m pretty sure I almost died, or at least saw life flash before my eyes for a moment.

There was a type of a ski lift that I’ve never been on before, that is basically a rope and a plastic piece to put in between your legs, and it pulls you forward or up.  I went on one earlier in the day that was on a flat surface, almost a bit like cross country skiing. 

The second one was not so easy.  This one was uphill, about 200+ feet.  I had it in position, ready to have it take me to my next run.  However, about halfway up an extremely steep hill, it stopped, and then started again, jerking me forward. It slipped from between my legs and I grabbed it with my hands. However, my hands couldn’t hold it for very long, and I started falling.  Still trying to hold on, this lift dragged me face first up the hill. I let go of the rope, and I tumbled down, my skis twisting while I tried to get a grip or go sideways and catch myself, in hopes of not running into anything or anyone else behind me. 

However, this did not work, as I literally ate shit because my skis unbuckled, and my ski sticks were on opposite ends of the mountain. 

They stopped the lift. I was desperately trying to gather myself but I couldn’t.  I started crawling towards the side of the mountain so I could at least move out of the way.  Then I took my skis and tried to walk down, but I sunk into the snow. More than knee-deep, I struggled to even walk, as I sank in deeper with each step. Did I mention I also ran into a net, that I’m glad caught me or else I would have really been in trouble.. 

One of the people in our group, came and was able to stay calm, and help me out.  I was ready to burst into tears at this point.  I am still beyond embarrassed that this even happened and I know that if I was alone or had no one to help, I would have just sat in the snow and bawled my eyes out until a medic or something rescued me.

I made it back down, in one piece, surprisingly, only to get back onto the lift, and continue up the mountain. I was about ready to have a full blown panic attack, but the person who helped me reassured me that everything will be okay and that we will take it slow and go together this time. 

I made it up the mountain, only to find out that now I had to go down a level-black terrain with lots of bumps, ice, and powder.  Not a very pleasant ride down, but I made it without complaining, regardless. 

I spent the rest of my day limping around, because of my fall. 

I am now sitting in my bed, contemplating skiing tomorrow. 

I don’t think I’m going to go, because I can barely walk, and the weather won’t be that nice and I’m not ready to fall again. But we shall see… 

The story so far…. 

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

27th- First day of skiing was a bit rough, as I struggled to see even 10 feet in front of me, past the fog that overtook the mountain. The terrain was completely unknown, but I managed and worked through it, following those in front of me all the way down. I haven’t skied in almost 2 years, maybe more, but so far, I have only fallen once out of 2 days and 15 hours worth of the winter sport.  At first, I was so frustrated with myself, cursing out every time I couldn’t make a turn or almost lost my balance. But I began feeling confident, slowly but surely, with practice, and by the end, even though I couldn’t feel my legs, I did feel I had made great progress. I slept like a baby that night. 

28th- The sun was unbeatable. I have never been on a moutain this sunny and full of light. The untouched snow looked like an unexcivated diamond mine, glittering softly as the sun’s rays beamed down onto the icy peaks. I mean really, I felt almost blinded by the beauty of it all. We drifted among the clouds, our skiis scraping against the little bumps and mounds the ones before us had so carefully carved out, as they blazed down the mountain.  

I listened carefully to my mentors as they gave me small technique-based skills to focus on, in order to edit and perfect my form. 

By my last run, I had finished and was at the bottom within 10 minutes. This would be considered the equivalent to a black diamond run, and it was anything but short. 

Nothing has felt this exhilarating in a very long time, and by day 10, I know I will be able to handle anything.

Today, I felt brave. 

What a world of a difference a day can make. 

1st-

I woke up at 7:30 this morning and went to breakfast about an hour later. 

Today was a super laid back day.. Also full of caffine because I had about 3 1/2 cups of coffee and I’m still not sure how I wasn’t bouncing off the walls. 

Anyways..

I went for a beautiful hour and a half walk, across 3-4 different villages, all connected by long, one lane, roads. 

I petted a shetland pony that almost bit me and got my leg rubbed against by a cat, wandering the streets. 

I came back, and spent a good hour or so at the spa, going from one steam room to the next. 

By dinner time, we met with the rest of our ski crew, which are all very lovely people, and we stayed long past our meal to chat and catch up. 

I am so happy to be here and to live in the moment as much as possible. 

Even within a few days, I feel like I’ve put on a completely new skin and reevaluated myself and my life. 

Nature has truly given me my moment of clarity that I have been so hopelessly searching for. 

I am very excited for what tomorrow may bring, and I am about to show this mountain who’s boss. 

– Xozo,

Zoe :~) 

God in the flesh- Lonely but not alone. 

Tags

, , , , , ,

I woke up and I can’t fall back asleep so I got my iPad and I went on my balcony and listened to Sky Full of Stars while stargazing and I am a literal mess from crying.

You do not know loneliness and existential crisis until you’ve seen this many stars all at once and you realize how absolutely insignificant you are and that space is a real thing.

Its so beautiful and breathtaking but its also a total shock and makes you want to reevaluate everything you’ve ever said and done.  I am beyond humbled to be here.

I feel like I just saw god in the flesh when I looked up..

and you feel so close yet so far away from them, even at the mountain’s peak.

How could you NOT believe in something greater than yourself, when you know that stars and space exist? 

I may not believe in a God, but I believe in the stars. 

-Zoe 


Day 1- (Not Lost, Just Wandering; a Series) 

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

I am so tired right now so I’ll try to make this as quick as possible….

Wow.   I have been beyond myself since I arrived.  

I have never felt so calm and collected, and genuinely tired, not from stress or being sad, but out of exhaustion and having a good time. 

Whenever I travel, I am reminded once again how vast the world is and how small we are, compared to it all. 

Our problems are so insignificant and miniscule, its like trying to see humans from outerspace; you can’t. 

I am beyond grateful to be here and being able to experience the next 10 days in this place.

I don’t want to give too much away because this trip to me is personal and a getaway from everyone and everything where I currently reside. 

I am very happy and there are no words to describe how much in awe I am of everything I’ve seen so far. 

The food is absolutely delicious, the people are good looking, the air is fresh, and I feel free. 

I haven’t even been here for a full day and I already feel so inspired by the things around me and I have all of these new ideas and thoughts in my head that I’d love to share with you soon.

This was really good for me.

Till tomorrow,

– Xozo,

Zoe 

Where Do I Even Begin

Tags

, , , , , ,

This past week, especially the past few days, I was feeling very overwhelmed by the constant stimulation provided by the internet and social networks. So today I decided to turn those things off, put my phone on airplane mode, and not answer to a single human being for the rest of the day. Absolutely mute.

I decided to do this because yesterday, school was called off because of the cold so I had decided to take a bath.

However, while in the tub, where I was supposed to be relaxing, I actually ended up staying on my phone for most of the time. It occurred to me halfway through my bath time that I was stressing myself out and not allowing for my body to take a break and appreciate the present moment.

It’s really sad that we all get so wrapped up in trying to stay in touch, connected, and fear missing out on everything that’s going on with the people around us, that we forget to take care of ourselves and our health.
I’m trying not to let twitter, among other things, ruin my life and well being.

Today was really just a day of self reflection and even now, after not talking to anyone all day, I thought I would feel better and I don’t.

Back to the drawing board, I guess.

However, not talking to anyone did help clear up my cluttered mind for a bit.

Also I got yelled at for not answering my phone today, which is ironic because I always get yelled at for being on my phone too much.
I can never win. /:

Texts I Never Sent (Part I)- #1-6

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

1.) Listen asshole, why am I always the one putting effort into all the conversations?
I tried reaching out to you countless times and I just don’t get it. All I get is one word answers. If you don’t want to be “friends” (if we’re even that at this point) anymore, then fucking say so. I miss you and I hate that this happened and I just want summer back and a few more moments with you. I keep hanging onto your coattails because I don’t know what else to do and every time you respond, I get a little bit of hope back that we can start again from where we left off. I still have your CD in my room and I stare at it sometimes hoping I’ll get the courage to play it again one day, when it no longer hurts to. I see you around and I freeze when you stare at me, or pretend that you don’t. I just want to know where we stand and where to go from here. When you figure it out, let me know. #inevergotclosure 😔😞

2.) I don’t even know where to start.
We had all this excitement buzzing around us when we first started talking and what happened? It’s barely been 3 weeks and I feel like you never even liked me? /: I just really hope you haven’t moved onto someone else. I don’t need this happening to me again. (The post above is enough proof that I don’t do well with moving on) I JUST WANNA BE FRIENDS DAMN IT. 😩😭
Also, I was taken aback when you said you felt like you didn’t have an identity and you were a combination of all the people that you surrounded yourself with, but you yourself don’t know who you are. I just want to say that you are honestly one of the most underrated people out there. You are so kind and giving and a great listener and you actually care about others. You’re also really smart and talented and please don’t let people who can’t take you or your passions seriously, let you down. You are great at what you do and it makes me so sad that you can’t see that yourself. You have your own personality and great characteristics, even if you don’t feel that way. Trust me, others see it too. I have never heard a single bad thing about you and its honestly a relief. People like you for YOU and I hope you never feel like you are in a constant existential crisis- you are you; take ownership of that. 🙂 #imhereforyou 😌

3.) You are my best friend and I feel like as of late, we’ve been kind of growing apart and it makes me sad.
Also, when you asked me who I was texting, I didn’t tell you because I knew you wouldn’t like the answer and would have rolled your eyes at me. Yes it was him, and no I can’t let it go. #imsorry 🌸

4.) I’m sorry for always texting you when I’m sad or upset. You never fail to keep me sane and listen to me, even if you don’t respond. I miss you & please visit me again soon. Also, please take care of yourself. You are not a loser for clicking the pause button on your life and goals. Do it when YOU are ready, not when others are ready for you. Stay strong, my dear.
#gypsylifeforever ☀️🌻

5.) You are the only person who understands me, but you are also the only person who drives me insane with some of the things you say but I love you anyways. Lately, we keep getting into these stupid arguments over politics and other things and I don’t like debacles with you because I know that we’re both hard headed and stand our ground and its upsetting, even if only for a moment.
I love you regardless and I hope you’re having fun overseas and I can’t wait to hear about your trip. 😊💞
#soulmatefriend

6.) I never understood why you start and stop talking to me whenever you feel like it, and honestly, it makes me feel like I’m disposable and convenient for you only when you want me to be.
Idk, I guess we’re talking at the moment, but who knows how long that will last… Again. 😒
And I’ve heard you talk crap about me before and I try to be so nice but I never feel like it’s enough… But clearly enough for you to crawl back, to some extent. You’re nice and I would like to be friends, but I have no idea how you see me or what our “status” is and its a bit frightening to always be standing on shaky ground with someone. When you figure out what you want, let me know.
#stopwalkinginandoutofmylifeforthe11thtimedamniteventhoughiletyouinanyways